Untitled Poem

Saturday 7:29 a.m.

He makes the sun stand on edge

Jealous of the light he so effortlessly creates

Like a solemn hymn, he puts my mind at ease

Unaware of the quiet he brings to my worries

He fills me with questions

Then nurtures my gladness in the same breath

He heals with soft words

And pursues my all with honest intentions

But, even still, my pace quickens

Because I feel the future in his voice, in his words

And my young eyes close to the rays of security his existence brings

Yet, as I lie here in the shadows of familiar walls

I reach past what is comfortable

What is programmed by this world

For I know that, above all, my heart is with him

And while I run

I suddenly realize,

that it is to him that my feet propel me

So with this, 

I run

Reflections on "Carmen and Geoffrey: A Documentary"

 

Geoffrey Holder is a man of magic. In a time when Americans scoffed at the idea of Black significance, he rose above and shaped the atmosphere of creative arts with his own bare hands. I, for one, have been inspired and impacted by both his livelihood and visionary mindset. A few days ago, my mother asked me a question. “What,” she posed “would you do if you knew that you could not fail.” A few days ago, I spouted some far-fetched dream of unmatched athleticism and soon went along my way. However, after learning of the life and times of Geoffrey, my mind has wandered back to that well-used yet poignant question. What would I really do if I knew I could not fail? Would I continue on in the career aims that I currently pursue with unmatched ferocity or would I drift farther to the left where my more apparent, creative tendencies lie? Would I follow the paved path that my years of internships and networking have constructed or would I fall passionately to ignored urges and test the guarantee of success by attempting what I truly love. Then again, are these questions shallow and inappropriate? Am I only reevaluating my goals and aspirations because the allure of creative arts shine brighter than the lull of corporate America? To be honest, I really do not know. To be honest, I’m a little worried.  Apprehensive, even. The last thing I want, need, or dream of is an unhappy, unfulfilled life. While money is often the motive, money can only serve as a medium of fulfillment for so long. I wish to be like Geoffrey and his stunning wife Carmen—ancient in years but satisfied and fulfilled, creating beauty simply because they neglected what was easily attained and instead pursued what flowed naturally within them. Whatever my blood of passion, we’ll call it, happens to be, I will find it and I will embrace it. Then, I will let it flow. Naturally.

A Twitter Spark.

Earlier today I was heated. Crazed. Militant. Ready to unleash an onslaught of pent up frustrations. Trust me when I tell you that it was B-A-D. What, might you ask, prompted this stream of emotions? Well, sadly enough, the perpetrator was Twitter. Here's what happened. I was casually scrolling down my timeline, searching for witty laugh inducers and NBA game updates, when I stumbled across the tweet that broke the camel's back. It stated, and I quote "I hate when white girls try to legitly talk black..dat shii ain't da move shawty." First of all, "legitly" isn't a word so we can already establish that the originator of this tweet is lacking where it counts. Secondly, what the hell? My response: "Well I hate when people refer to non-articulate speech as "talking black." Since when did every other race become perfectly articulate?" Here's my issue. As an African-American in what is described as modern times, I encounter a lot of racial ignorance. Granted, I was never exposed to slavery or even the climax of the Civil Rights movement as I wasn't alive during those periods BUT my frustrations are still legitimate and I assure you that tensions still exist. With this being said, I would like to direct my attention to a simple question. Why is ignorant speech so often pinned to the African American race? Are those who some coin as "white trash," perfectly educated in their speaking? Do participants of Asian gangs keep the Subject-Verb Agreement rule in mind as they banter across side streets? Does every single English speaking Hispanic form their words with perfection and intertwine the perfect twenty letter SAT term when needed? Let me answer these questions for those of you in a mental bind: No. Nein. Negative. Why then, is the inaccurate usage of one's language skills referred to as "black talk." Granted, slang infiltrates a majority of rap music by African-American artists. Slang is used in conversations. Slang may even be used in publications (whoa. GASP). But, is not some form of slang common to almost every race? Are we not allowed to loosen our hypothetical ties and chuck Grammar Mechanics 101 out the window regardless of our creed? Once again, call me answer woman: the answer is YES. True, the issue I have raised has been covered in various debates, articles, and the like. Despite these strides, however, I still hear "he/she/that dog (?) talks black" in casual conversation. Many a times, friends of mine have approached me asking "why don't you talk black???" WOW. stop. no. B-A-D. Usually, that's when they get educated and depending on how i'm feeling at the moment, it may or may not be a sweet "talking to." I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that talking in an articulate manner strayed away from the capabilities of a standard African American. Sarcasm. I appreciate your compliment. Sarcasm. I would never want to talk like a standard African American anyway. Also, Sarcasm. That sort of exchange frustrates me, although I know you probably can't tell. But here's the thing, I could easily brush it off, smile, walk away, shimmy, Harlem shake, anything other than actually address the issue. I, however, choose to address the issue. It doesn't make sense for a people weighed down with slavery, segregation, discrimination, and hardship to be pinned with yet another label. The number of educated African Americans in the United States is monumental. It shows how far we have come and how far we will go. On the ride up, I urge us all to shake off the dust that may weigh us down and bury the negative associations where they dare bloom. Think about it.

Back and kicking.

Summer is finally here..it has been a long time coming my friends. Trust me on that. I've been undeniably lazy in regards to updating this blog of mine but what can I say - my life was beyond hectic for like 5 consecutive months! So first i'll tackle what went down. Vaguely, of course. After that, i'll expound on what I learned from those experiences. Here we goooo. Firstly, it is important to understand that I am an unbelievably emotional person. I get attached very easily- it's unhealthy, really. As they say i'm quick to "catch feelings." Up until my last boyfriend, I never really had trust issues. I never had a reason to. Soon enough, however, that changed. For me, this guy was everything. He made me smile, cry, yell, almost rip my hair out, and ultimately, he made me fall in love. As a college athlete, he had his issues. He was surrounded by girls, always busy, and always engaged in something that seemed way more important than me. But we made it work because like I said, he was my everything. It was my decision to ignore everyone's advice and let myself fall for him. It was my decision to ignore everyone's advice and trust him. And it was my decision to allow myself to be treated like a non-factor and then feel surprised when he dumped me on my ass. When it happened, it sucked. For so long my happiness had been based on the amount of attention he gave me. Therefore when he was whisked out of my life by his own doing, i felt utterly and completely devastated. "I trusted him," I would say to myself. "He told me he loved me! He told me I was the best girlfriend he had ever had. How can he do this?" But as I wallowed in self-pity (shame on me, I know) I realized that there were some things that I would never understand about what happened. Yes, the long distance was hard. Yes, every day wasn't peaches and cream. But why he chose to give up on us while I was so determined to hold on? Let's just say, he's a guy and we'll leave it at that. All that aside, what in God's name did I learn from all of this hell fire and heartbreak? Ultimately, to love myself, to trust myself, and to remain a priority in the life of whoever i'm with. It doesn't matter if my guy is an athlete or the president! I deserve to be a valued factor in his life. Never again will I willingly allow myself to be pushed aside just to make the relationship work. Get real. To be honest, getting to a strong place in life can be hard. Many times a lot of hurt can be experienced in getting there. I'm not saying i'm this all powerful, never-cry-a-tear woman (I get attached ultra-easily remember) but I can say that I know who I am and what I deserve. What do I not deserve? Being treated like crap. That will never happen again. Sometimes you have to tell yourself that you're beautiful and that you're worth it until you believe it. Sometimes you have to pick yourself up off the ground even when you want to stay in that comfy fetal position. And sometimes when you're dragging yourself from your tear-stained pillow to face the day, you have to remind yourself that life is beautiful and that life goes on. Besides, you have work to do-- someone else is out there with the other half of your heart ;)

Dance Memory | Duke University Research

Dance Memory | Duke University Research

While perusing Duke's site I stumbled upon this intriguing article. As a dancer, it thrills me that research is being conducted at such a prestigious institution regarding the arts!
Click the link above and enjoy!

When everyone thought i'd fallen.

The entire summer has whirred by without one single post from yours truly. I admit, I've been slacking but nevertheless, I'm back for good! I've learned so many things about myself these past weeks and I'm truly excited to share my new, aware self with the world..as terribly tacky as that may sound. Of course my favorite color is still a happy yellow and running in the rain will never get old for me, but a realization of my goals and priorities has replaced my previous blind wandering. I know what I want in life, and I know what MUST be done to get it. New favorite quote?? Oh yes. "Pain is temprorary but pride is eternal." It keeps me going when I feel like burning my school books and taking a nice cat nap. Needless to say, with all of this self dicscovery, you'll be hearing a lot more from me. And besides, I still have a lot more growing to do. Who gets the front seat? YOU ♥.

p.s. I stumbled upon a great site thanks to a friend of mine: LOOKBOOK.nu. Sheer genius on a webpage.

Lately .

As I sit here thinking about my life, I realize that I've lost a great deal of self motivation. This occcurance is highly unusual because for as long as I can remember, I've been over- the top, go for it, never back down. Nowadays, however, when it comes to academics especially, I have been unable to rekindle or even find that previous zeal. Maybe it's the fact that my life has sort of become a repeating pattern with no excitement or changes. Maybe it's my fruit-less search for love/ a relationship. Maybe it's the way I'm surrounded by mediocrity on a daily basis. Whatever the reason, I SERIOUSLY need to get over this hump in the road of my life and GET A MOVE ON. It's time to finally find something that really, truly, and thoroughly make me happy. It's time for me to discover a motivation deep within myself that will continually propel me towards success despite the tumult and down hill spirals of life. I must remember that while no one and no one's life is perfect, happiness is possible. And that while I may not have all the high- profile relationships or international popularity splashed across magazines, I have wonderful, amazing, independent people of individual thought who fit into the mold of my life and love me despite the flaws. Admitedly, I Sometimes feel stifled by the world around me but I can still be all that I want to be and even beyond it. What do I want to be? An artist, a writer, a speaker, a leader, a litigator, a free-spirit, a lover of life. How do I achieve this feat? Take life by the reins. Throw passion into all that I do even when it isn't easy. Get over the whole procrastination thing- YES I'm sure that somehow it's possible. Find true life examples of people who live and enjoy their lives happily with the help of elbow grease and sheer, determination. I love parousing blogs like Sealaura which give me glimpses into the beautiful life of a woman who takes what she has and spins it into pure gold. With this deiscovery along with others, I have realized a few things. For one, blogging makes me feel free. Like anything is truly possible. That I can write and express and reveal. Secondly, I've come to believe that I can do what I want and be happy. We all can. We just have to find the spark deep within ourselves, let it catch, and watch the fire grow.