Back and kicking.

Summer is finally here..it has been a long time coming my friends. Trust me on that. I've been undeniably lazy in regards to updating this blog of mine but what can I say - my life was beyond hectic for like 5 consecutive months! So first i'll tackle what went down. Vaguely, of course. After that, i'll expound on what I learned from those experiences. Here we goooo. Firstly, it is important to understand that I am an unbelievably emotional person. I get attached very easily- it's unhealthy, really. As they say i'm quick to "catch feelings." Up until my last boyfriend, I never really had trust issues. I never had a reason to. Soon enough, however, that changed. For me, this guy was everything. He made me smile, cry, yell, almost rip my hair out, and ultimately, he made me fall in love. As a college athlete, he had his issues. He was surrounded by girls, always busy, and always engaged in something that seemed way more important than me. But we made it work because like I said, he was my everything. It was my decision to ignore everyone's advice and let myself fall for him. It was my decision to ignore everyone's advice and trust him. And it was my decision to allow myself to be treated like a non-factor and then feel surprised when he dumped me on my ass. When it happened, it sucked. For so long my happiness had been based on the amount of attention he gave me. Therefore when he was whisked out of my life by his own doing, i felt utterly and completely devastated. "I trusted him," I would say to myself. "He told me he loved me! He told me I was the best girlfriend he had ever had. How can he do this?" But as I wallowed in self-pity (shame on me, I know) I realized that there were some things that I would never understand about what happened. Yes, the long distance was hard. Yes, every day wasn't peaches and cream. But why he chose to give up on us while I was so determined to hold on? Let's just say, he's a guy and we'll leave it at that. All that aside, what in God's name did I learn from all of this hell fire and heartbreak? Ultimately, to love myself, to trust myself, and to remain a priority in the life of whoever i'm with. It doesn't matter if my guy is an athlete or the president! I deserve to be a valued factor in his life. Never again will I willingly allow myself to be pushed aside just to make the relationship work. Get real. To be honest, getting to a strong place in life can be hard. Many times a lot of hurt can be experienced in getting there. I'm not saying i'm this all powerful, never-cry-a-tear woman (I get attached ultra-easily remember) but I can say that I know who I am and what I deserve. What do I not deserve? Being treated like crap. That will never happen again. Sometimes you have to tell yourself that you're beautiful and that you're worth it until you believe it. Sometimes you have to pick yourself up off the ground even when you want to stay in that comfy fetal position. And sometimes when you're dragging yourself from your tear-stained pillow to face the day, you have to remind yourself that life is beautiful and that life goes on. Besides, you have work to do-- someone else is out there with the other half of your heart ;)